emergingfree

Christian and Socially-Conscious…One Woman's Expression

Archive for the tag “being bullied”

Excuse Me Little “Black” Girl—Part 2

Rock-a-bye baby in the tree top….  Excuse me little “Black” girl, I wonder about you.  YES, YOU!  I wonder how many of you have experienced a period of peace, a time when you had no worries and was carefree.  I wonder if you have two loving parents, parents who often tell and show you that they love you.  Do you tell and show them that you love them?  YES, I mean ACTUALLY SAY  the words:  I-LOVE-YOU-Mom-Dad.  Do you come from a loving home, a place where you are valued and protected, encouraged and supported, challenged and taught?  Is your foundation solid or is it shallow?  I wonder…about you.

Sad Girl

When the wind blows the cradle will rock…. Have you experienced bullying–on the playground or in the classroom?  Have you ever been picked last because you are a girl?  Has a teacher overlooked your raised hand to call on Jim, not that his hand was raised but because he should know science?  Have you ever been teased for being too light or too dark, for not being Black enough?  Have you been told that you think you are white, talk like you are white, act like you are white?  Have you struggled to understand what this means, and what this really means for you?  Do you embrace your uniqueness or do you try to fit in?  When the wind blows, what do you do?

Unique

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall….  I wonder if you are aware of the injustices that await you in this world–injustices related to your gender, to your race, to your gender and to your race.  I wonder about your preparation for being a healthy, well-balanced being operating in a world that defines so much around gender, race, and economics.  I wonder about your preparation as I think about my own.

Mom and Daughter

 

You see, there is a need to introduce race and gender scenarios to you in safe environments so you can ask questions and get answers, so you will learn to analyze matters for yourself without depending on media messages and mainstream citations to parrot.  As you go forth to be boldly brilliant, you will see some heart aching events.  Some, you will experience firsthand.  Allow yourself to grow in maturity, to experience a range of emotion.  Grow in patience and in perseverance.  Being you, being Black and female, is not a bad thing.  It is a blessed thing.  You will gain insight and strength unlike no other.  You will see that storylines have been created for you, but that you are created to create headlines.  Write your own script once you have captured their attention.  Be open to diverse friendships.  Live outside of confined narratives.  When the bough breaks, change the ending.  Surprise some people and soar!

Soar

Compliments

In the beginning of life, I would accept compliments with ease.

“Oh, you are so cute,” they would say.

“You are so smart,” they was declare.

“Yeaaaa,” they would cheer.

Both internally and externally, I would smile.  To be honest, compliments made me feel good.

BW.face

In elementary school, however, something happened.  I was teased and found it safer to downplay compliments.  It became enough, or so I thought, for me to know these things for myself without drawing unnecessary attention.  On one hand, it makes sense right?  It is best to not rely on external measures to define our self-worth.  Oh, but there is that other hand.

For far too long I shied away from compliments.  If someone gave me one, I would outwardly accept it graciously but internally I would feel immensely uncomfortable.  It really made no sense.  Why would I feel vexatious about something that I privately agreed with?  Was I really in agreement?

For a number of years, I have been correcting this emotional ship.  There is no need to be double-minded by fact.  I have gotten a chance to observe a number of men around me.  I have watched how they can confidently appear in public, but privately express great insecurity.  I have watched them professionally chase and obtain opportunities, even when they fail to meet all of the posted criteria.  I have had them encourage me to adopt a less compromising attitude about securing my goals and in turn accepting my value.  Change has arrived.

A few weeks ago I was greeted by a friend who I had not seen in awhile.  She said, “You look so good.”  I said, “I know,” and soon after walked away.  About five minutes later, I found myself laughing at the exchange.  It sounds arrogant on its face, but that was not my intent—although my response in fact was done so with total ease.  Guess what….  It felt great.

What I have learned is that to go where I am going, I must have a strong foundation of me.  People will always have their opinions.  I will always have my truth.

I have found that some people will project their insecurities onto you and if not careful, you will accept them as true.  I have learned to be careful.  We all have things to work on.  Accepting compliments is not on my list.

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